The Ultimate School for Ninjas!
by CaityAndNaeHeartCookies
Summary: Look nobody's gonna die..I propose we offer the red-head loser to the psyco red-headed demon!" Kankuro cried as he pointed to Gaara, who switched his glare from the broken button to his traitor of a brother.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone it's me Caity, back again with a brand new fanfiction!! This one will be relatively short, 8 chapters at this stage. As always it involves kidnapping and, though I dread to say it......education!!! Ahhh!! The horror!! It burns!!! Gahhh!!....Ok I'm done, so just start reading already!!**

**Disclaimer: This one's my favourite....Ahem...I own Naruto in an alternate universe where people wear pies on their feet and flying pigs eat purple and orange pygmy people, in simpler terms, I don't....**

SLAM! Two figures wearing awesome cameo, stood in the middle of Konoha in front of a giant van, that strangely enough was making loud banging sounds.

"Hey, Custard Pie is that the lot?" (A.N: Sorry about the confusing codenames, it will make sense later..at least it should..)

"I think so Cookie Monster.."

"Alright! To Suna!!"

"Yes!"

"...But first ring Coat Rack and Turtlerese and ask them how they're going!"

"Alrighty!" Custard Pie pulled out her mobile and dialed a number, holding it up to her ear, she plastered a fake smile on her face and waited for them to pick up.

"Hello, Coat rack?....No? Turtlerese?....What do you mean this is Naruto?.....Yes put her on......Hi.....yes.....no.......maybe.......sometimes.......could be......possibly.......absolutely.....nuh uh.....hn........bye." She hung up the phone and turned to face her counterpart. "She said that they have captured all the targets and are heading towards the rendezvous point!"

"Well done Custard Pie! Now to Suna!"

"Yay!"

In Suna

Gaara's Kitchen

Our favourite red-headed Kazekage had his head stuck in the fridge, at this very moment he was pondering why they had so much cheese.....no-one in their family eats cheese. He opened up a cupboard in hopes of finding something other than cheese but alas his efforts were in vain. Suddenly he heard muffled voices coming from under the sink.

"Ouch your on my foot"

"Well it's not my fault you have big feet!"

"Polony!"

"Just knock him out already.."

"Jeez bossy!"

"Just do it!"

And that's the last thing Gaara heard before everything went black. Cookie Monster stood over him, a pot plant in one hand and a block of cheese in the other. She took a huge bite out of the cheese and blinked a few times.

"Is he dead?" She asked as she poked him with the toe of her army-style boot.

"No I don't think so.."

"Oh well!" Cookie Monster shoved the rest of the cheese into her mouth and put the pot plant in her back pocket, she may need that in case he woke up. She grabbed Gaara by the ankles and began to drag him out the door.

"I'll leave Kankuro to you Custard Pie, do me proud!"

"Okily madokilys!!" Custard Pie saluted as she watched her partner in crime drag the unfortunate Gaara out the door, hitting his head rather painfully on the front step. Custard Pie ran into the bathroom to get her weapon of doom, after roughly six seconds of digging around in the cupboard under the sink she was surrounded by a bar of soap, two toothbrushes, a jar of candy that had 'Property of Kankuro do not touch and this means you Gaara!' on it, a scrubbing brush, a baking tray, five muffins and a rubber duck. Finally she pulled her weapon out, she looked at it, an evil glint in her eyes as she excited the bathroom, not bothering to clean up after herself.

Suna

Kankuro's room

Our second favourite sand sibling, Kankuro (**Kankuro: **Hey! Second favourite! **Caity: **Heh heh nooooo...silly **Kankuro: **Good!) was sitting on his bed playing with a sock puppet, which was just a a purple sock with two black buttons sown unevenly onto it, in his other hand he had a barbie doll.

"Oh Socky! Your my hero!" He squeaked.

"Well that's my job Barbie...I'm a hero.." He said in a deep rumbling voice, then switching back to his squeaky voice he said.

"Socky....Kiss me..."

Kankuro was just about to hit the climax in his story before everything around him went black and he fell off the bed.

"Muahahahahahahahha!!!!" Custard Pie cackled as she brandished her weapon of doom, a.....plunger!

"Kankuro is that you?" Temari called through the door.

"Uhm..yes?" Custard Pie said uncertainly as she glanced around for a place to hide the body, I mean, for a place to hide Kankuro.

"I'm coming in.." Temari said as she began to open the door. Panicking, Custard Pie shoved Kankuro into the toy box, shut the lid and dived into Kankuro's bed.

"Kankuro are you feeling okay? And have you seen Gaara?"

"I'm thick and I think that Gaada went do de shop..." Custard Pie coughed in a effort to throw Temari off her trail. (A.N: No I didn't spell all that wrong, you know how people speak when their sick..yeah)

"Kankuro..." Temari said uncertainly as she reached across to the pull the covers off his head, when BANG!

Temari felt something sink into her upper arm, it was a little dart with a fluffy blue end on it. She blinked and could just make out a blurry figure wearing a camouflage outfit before she passed out. Custard Pie heard the shot and stuck her head out of the covers only to see Cookie Monster standing over Temari, holding a GUN!

"What the hell!!" She screeched diving back under the covers "YOU SHOT TEMARI!!"

"Chill, it's just a tranquilizer gun"

"Oh, well then lets get going, you get Temari and I'll get Kankuro" Custard Pie ordered as she jumped off his bed and opened the toy box. Cookie Monster sweatdropped at the toy box's contents.

"Uh what's he doing in there?"

"I panicked and I had to hide him somewhere!"

"Uh huh..."

Cookie monster grabbed Temari under the arms and began to drag her out of the house. Meanwhile Custard Pie was struggling to move Kankuro.

"Damnit why did I pick the heavy one!!" (**Kankuro: **Heavy! I am so calling my agent! **Caity: **Your knocked out remember.. **Kankuro: **Oh yeah...well I 'll call him at the end of this chapter!!)

Eventually Cookie Monster managed to subdue the other people they had kidnapped with her tranquiliser gun long enough for them to shove Kankuro and Temari into the back of the truck. Shutting, locking, padlocking, bike-locking and dead bolting the back door of the truck, they jumped in the front and began their long drive to the rendezvous point.

Next door

"Whoo! We're here!" Cookie Monster cheered as she jumped out of the passenger seat, Custard Pie wouldn't let her drive because she was a danger to herself and everybody around her when she was behind the wheel. Custard Pie, still clutching her plunger, got out the driver's side and looked up at the building that they would be occupying for the next 8 hours. It was the old school, Gaara being the kazekage, had shut it down due to his dislike of teachers, learning and chalk. Also he felt that the building had super powers and was able to make children bored within five minutes and melt their brains. That was the reason that Custard Pie and Cookie Monster had chosen the cordoned off building, it was completely deserted, so no-one would be able to hear them scream as they were....Taught!! That's right, Custard Pie, Cookie Monster and their associates, Coatrack and Turtlerese were going to become teachers!! The ultimate evil!!!

Half and hour later

Naruto opened his eyes and sprung out of his seat, effectively waking everyone else in the room up.

"Where are they! I swear that they were like ninjas or something else that only exists in fairy tales and anime!!!" As he glanced around frantically trying to find 'them', he noticed that they were all sitting at desks and there was a giant black board at the front of the room, that could only mean one thing.. that they were at....Mcdonalds!

"Yes! We're at Mcdonalds!! I thought I was going to have wait forever for a cheese burger!!!"

"Naruto, we're in a classroom...troublesome.." Shikamaru sighed, he never liked classrooms, they had pencils and pencils made his fingers itch. You see Shikamaru wasn't really lazy, no, that was a cover up. He was actually allergic to the wood in pencils so he couldn't do any work but there was no way he was going to tell anyone that. Instead he pretends to be lazy, coz' I mean come on, who's going to be scared of a ninja that can be defeated by a pencil!! Seriously..

"Nooo! I got rid of this building!! Damnit! It must have sent death angels after me for foiling it's evil plans!!" Gaara cried dramatically, suddenly the door opened and four kids walked in, they couldn't have been much older than them, maybe two years.

"Argh!! There they are!!!" Gaara, uh 'screamed' as he pointed to them.

The blonde one glanced around and dived behind the big desk at the front so that only her eyes and the top of her head were visible.

"Hey Custard Pie, can I borrow your plunger?" She asked fearfully, she needed something to fend off the death angels!

The red-head clutched her plunger closer to her chest "No way Cookie Monster!! It's mine!"

"Uhm guys, we've finished the mission so why are we still using code names?" The tall girl with black hair asked her two insane friends.

"Shut up! Coat rack! Turtlerese isn't complaining!!" Cookie Monster said from behind the desk.

"And why the hell did I have to be Turtlerese?" The shortest girl asked as she tugged on her dark brown hair in frustration.

"Because...It suits you" Custard Pie said with a nod of her head.

"I do not look like a turtle!!" Turtlerese screamed.

"Uhm excuse me but who the hell are you and where are we?" Sakura demanded.

"Oh oppsies sorry" Cookie Monster said standing up from her crouching position. "My name is Caity aka Cookie Monster!"

"...I'm Tash aka Coat rack.." Coat Rack um I mean Tash said sending a evil glare at Caity who just looked the other way innocently (1).

"...I'm Terese aka Turtlerese.." Terese sighed as she narrowed her eyes at the red-head, who just shrugged (2).

"And I am the amazing, irreplaceable, awesome, wonderful-" She paused at the glares that she was receiving from the other three "...Nae aka Custard Pie..." She finished a little less enthusiastically.

"And we have kidnapped you, to force you to learn! Yay! What fun!" Caity said enthusiastically in an attempt to motivate them. "Who's ready?!!"

She received a whole bunch of blank stares (courtesy of Sasuke, Neji and Shino), a few open mouths (Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Chouji and Shikamaru), a couple of 'what crack are you on' looks (Naruto, Kiba, Kankuro and Temari), a very scary murderous look, along with the sharpening of a kunai (Tenten), an enthusiastic "YES!" (Lee) and one look of pure horror (Gaara).

"What?"

"ARGH!! ARE YOU INSANE!! SAND COFFIN!!!" A very climatic nothing followed.

"Oh yeah we may have forgotten to mention that we didn't want to die so you have no weapons and I'll think you'll find that you can't use your chakra, in fact I don't even know how Tenten managed to keep that kunai. Get her Nae!" Caity explained, pointing to Tenten at the end of her speech. Nae readying her plunger, saluted and with a war cry she charged into battle. Tenten's expression could only be explained as 'oh shit'.

"So..." Terese said, rocking backwards and forwards on her heels whilst the sound of fighting could be heard in the background.

"Yeah..." Naruto said as he looked around the room for something interesting to do, say or look at.

Nae stood up and grinned triumphantly, a cookie in one hand.

"Nae! I said get her kunai! Not her cookie!"

"Oh oops!" She bent over and scooped the kunai up and threw it into the rubbish bin, her mission complete, she sat down on the floor cross-legged so that she could munch on her cookie.

"Ok now that's done and we are no longer in any extreme danger, we can continue. Now Nae will be your first teacher! For maths! Aren't you just all excited!" Caity asked.

She received a very flat "yay.." in response.

'Well Nae they're all yours! See you guys in an hour. Have fun oh and Gaara if she gets too out of control push that lil' red button on the wall over there and we'll come help ya's ok?" Caity said cheerfully as she dragged the other two out of the classroom and shut the door behind them. The entire class helplessly watched them go and then turned to look at their 'teacher' who was grinning like a Cheshire cat, her eyes glinting with evil intent.

**Yes this is where I'm leaving off, each class will have one chapter at this point in time. Nae is scary....I'm glad that she has no intention of ever becoming a teacher in the future...phew! Alright so the other two characters, Tash and Terese. are actually our close and besterest friends! Who agreed to be in my twisted fic because I needed more people in it, such good friends....anyway read, review and hopefully you liked it...it will get better, this chapter is sorta just to explain what's going on, so the later chapters will be funnier and randomer.**

**(1): Ok, Tash is glaring at me because I started the whole coat rack thing, last year I always stole her jumper and thanked her for being a good coat rack and holding onto it for me lol, we are a weird bunch of friends.**

**(2): Nae came up with this name for Terese, hence the evil look. Nae is going through what I like to call a turtle phase, how she came up with turtlerese I have no idea, but it stuck XD.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Caity:Alrighty-o! I'm here and ready to type up my second chapter!...so do you wanna know what I've been doing on my vacation?!? Well first I went looking for big foot in never-never land-**

**Kankuro: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS ISN'T A BREACH IN MY CONTRACT!!!....AS LONG AS SHE TAKES NO CREDIT FOR ME AND MAKES NO MONEY IT'S FINE!! WHAT THE HELL KINDA' AGENT ARE YOU!! I SHOULDA STUCK WITH THE SQUIRREL!!! AT LEAST HE GAVE ME FREE PENS!! PENS!! WHAT DO YOU GIVE AWAY?!? FREE BUSINESS CARDS?!? _Hangs up phone and throws it away_**

**Caity: Uhm Kankuro weren't you going to do that last chapter?**

**Kankuro: Well I got so caught up in giving you a 'What crack are you on' look, I forgot..**

**Caity: Oh...well since your here do a disclaimer! And sing it!!!**

**Kankuro: Y-no!**

**Caity: Oh come on...._Puppy eyes_**

**Kankuro:....fine**

**Caity: ..Sucker....works every time!**

**Kankuro: _Sings _Caity owns nothing! She is but a poor highschool student trying to make her way on their lousy salary! And for that we are glad as she would surely make the red-headed freakazoid the main character instead of someone much more deserving such as me-**

**Caity: Ok I think that they get it! Man you really need to work on your singing skills, that didn't have a tune and it didn't even rhyme! Gah you suck! I shoulda asked Gaara!**

**Kankuro: _Glares_**

**Caity:...**

**Tash and Terese: Enjoy the story! ^^**

**Nae: I is awesome!  
**

**Bold is for inners and empahasise on certain words**

_Italics is for thoughts_

Normal writing is for....normal writing...

Nae's class

"Ok everyone..now that they're gone...." Nae trailed off as she rubbed her hands together and evil-laughed, in her head of course, it wouldn't do if everyone thought she was insane now would it? Unfortunately Larry chose this moment to appear (Yes, Nae has an inner, she swears she's not crazy but sometimes I wonder. We call him Larry...).

**LET'S BURN THIS PLACE TO DOWN TO CINDERS!!**

_No Larry I don't think that we should..we could get in trouble.._

**NO! LETS BURN THESE BITCHES INTO THE GROUND!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!**

_Larry...._

**Don't you Larry me! You know that you want to....**

_Well...._

**Do it...**

_Ok!! Give me that match!_

**That's my girl.**

Meanwhile all the so-called 'students' looked at their so called 'teacher' wearily, maybe she was insane and that's why they left Gaara a little red button, maybe she forgot to take her meds... Needless to say when she held up a flaming match they were scared.

"La la la la la la!" Nae sung as she skipped around the tables setting this, that and the other on fire.

"Naruto do something!" Sakura screamed as she jumped up onto her desk.

"I'm trying but this book doesn't have any answers!!" Naruto cried flipping through a maths exercise book. (Yeah I stole this line from the Simpsons movie...I thought it was something Naruto would say.)

"Gaara you useless lump! Push the red button!" Kankuro demanded as he repeatedly hit Socky against the desk trying to put out the fire on Socky's head.

"Oh right!" Gaara said as he sprung into action, in full slow motion he got up, walked the two whole steps to the red button and pressed it...... Nothing happened. Gaara's eyes widened as he repeatedly pressed the buttton.

"It's not working!!!" Fed up Gaara punched the stupid button, effectively breaking it.

"Gaara!" Temari screeched in horror, now what were they gonna do, they had no weapons or anything and the crazy teacher now had a...fire extinguisher??

In the staff room

"BEEP.........BEEP....BEEP! BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BE-"

"Um do you think they need our help?" Terese asked nervously as she looked at the little red device in Caity's hand that had been beeping.

"Nah! See the beeping stopped, they'll be fine! After all Nae doesn't have any matches.." Caity said waving her hand dismissively.

"Yeah..no matches...." Tash said as she glanced from side to side.

"See Terese? They'll be fine!"

Back in the classroom

"Shikamaru! Shikamaru! Shikamaru! What are we going to do? Shikamaru!!" Chouji whined as he shoved Shikamaru's arm in an attempt to wake him up while at the same time protecting the precious chips with his life.

"..Wha? Chouji? What's wrong?" Shikamaru mumbled as he opened his eyes.

"...." Chouji said nothing he just pointed to behind Shikamaru, where the insane teacher was squirting Neji with a fire extinguisher and giggling uncontrollably, whilst Tenten was dying with laughter. Eventually the fire extinguisher emptied so she threw it out the window and dusted her hands off before going back to her desk and falling asleep.

"That's what's wrong....Shikamaru? Shikamaru?" Chouji looked back at his, once again asleep, teammate and sighed. Sasuke, because he's so 'cool', watched the scene with interest, he particularly liked the part where Neji was attacked by the fire extinguisher, Sakura was still on her desk, Naruto was looking for answers in every book he could find, at the moment he was looking through an atlas, Tenten was still laughing, Neji had attempted to wipe away all the white stuff so that he could see and had only succeeded in making it worse, resulting in Tenten's laughter tripling. Gaara was glaring at the stupid red button, Kankuro was bandaging Socky's wounds, Temari was glaring at Gaara glaring at the button, Ino was trying to save her hair, as Nae had set it on fire too so it was quite singed, Hinata just sat there eyes wide staring at the blackboard, ignoring the chaos around her, Kiba was running around in circles like chicken without a head whilst Shino was sipping tea and eating muffins.

"WHOO!! THIS LESSON IS SO YOUTHFUL!! OUR TEACHER IS ABLE TO LIGHT THE FIRE OF YOUTH!! JUST LIKE GAI-SENSEI!!!" Lee shouted enthusiastically doing his signature sparkly grin with a thumbs up.

"Hey! Bushy-brow! Keep it down will ya' I'm close to finding a solution!" Naruto scolded as he threw the atlas over his shoulder and picked up a dictionary.

"Well I believe that fate has decided our destinies....we are destined to-" Neji was cut off by Tenten's laughter, glaring at her he continued.

"We are destined to die!! Nuiiooooo!!! I never got to see Jamaica..."

"Look nobody's gonna die..I propose we offer the red-head loser to the psyco red-headed demon!" Kankuro cried as he pointed to Gaara, who switched his glare from the broken button to his traitor of a brother.

"We are not sacrificing anyone-" Kiba was cut off by Nae yawning and moving her head to the other side "AH! It's waking up! Sacrifice the freak!" he screamed as he shoved Gaara in front of him as a shield.

"We are not sacrificing me! I am the Kazekage!"

"All the more reason to sacrifice you!"

"What?!!? I'm important!!"

"Exactly!"

"You guys suck..."

"Woo-hoo! No more Gaara! I shall be the favourite sand sibling! HA!" Kankuro cheered as he performed a victory dance that looked suspiciously like the Macarena....

Gaara glared at his older brother....what an idiot, couldn't he make Gaara's final moments at least half sane?? Why was Gaara destined-no that sounded like Neji...hmm...Why was Gaara stuck with the idiots all the time??!!? Why did they only have cheese at home?? Were zebras white with black stripes or black with white stripes?? Gaara was so caught up in trying to answer the questions that haunt him so, he didn't even notice when Kiba and Kankuro tied a rope around his arms and torso and suspended him from the rafters on the ceiling.

"Oh mighty demon! We give you this important sacrifice-"

"Important and red-headed..." Kiba whispered to Kankuro.

"Oh right, We give you this important and red-headed sacrifice! In exchange, please do not kill us!!" Kankuro finished before getting down on his hands and knees and bowing to Nae, gesturing for everyone else to do the same.

"This piece of literature failed to have the answer to my dilemma as well!!" Naruto growled in frustration, throwing the dictionary over his shoulder, hitting Kankuro and knocking him out cold.

"Ah! The demon can control dictionaries!! She **is** pure evil!!" Kiba screamed as he dived under his desk.

"On the contrary my dear friends and acquaintances, she is merely deep in slumber. At least that is the conclusion I have drawn," Naruto said pushing his imaginary glasses further up his nose.

'Um Naruto? Whats up with you?" Sakura said peering at him curiously.

"Oh noes! That evil book made me smart!!"

"The dictionary?"

"Yes! Make it stop!!!!"

"It has stopped.."

"Oh jolly good-AHH!!!!"

"Hey try drinking a glass of water upside down..." Shino offered, he decided to be helpful for once because he felt that he didn't have enough lines in this weird fanfic.

"Alright, many thanks to you!" Naruto smiled and gave Shino a good old pat on the back as he set of on an epic journey full of danger and romance to find...a glass of water and a way to drink it whist standing on his head.

"Uhhhh your welcome?" Shino said uncertainly but Naruto was long gone.

"Has anybody else noticed that Sasuke's missing?" Sakura said extremely worried, if Sasuke was missing who was going to be team 7's token emo?-I mean who was she going to love with all her heart...heh heh.....yeah.

"OH NO!!!!!! SAS-what's his name again?" Ino asked her forehead furrowed in confusion.

"Um Sasuke?" Chouji offered.

"Thats it! OH NO!!!! SASUKE MY ONLY LOVE!!!" Ino cried in anguish, her hair temporarily forgotten.

Meanwhile with Sasuke

_Those idiots! We could just jump out the window instead of staying in there with all those crazies! Sheesh..._

Sasuke gave himself a pat on the back for his brilliance, before the ground gave way underneath him and he fell into a giant pit.

_Curses! How could I have been defeated! And by a hole! How will I ever kill Itachi now? Hmmm maybe if I make the hole my ally...No that's a dumb idea!....I shall make it my minion!! Muahahah!! his name shall be Robert! It's ingenius!!! _

"Alright giant pit! Your name is now Robert! You are my minion! And together we shall kill my butt-face-weasel of an older brother! Do you understand?"

"........."

"Alright! I've got an evil minion, I've got an evil minion! Oh yeah, yeah, yeah!" Sasuke chanted as he did an edited version of Kankuro's victory dance, there was no way he was putting his hands on his hips and shaking them...a guy has to draw the line somewhere!

Back in the classroom

"Oh Sasuke....." Ino cried as Sakura tried to console her as she too cried her eyes out. Suddenly the door burst open and they saw four figures standing there, one being dragged along the ground by his collar. The loud noise caused Nae and Shikamaru to wake up abruptly.

"Hey Nae! You lost something!" Caity said cheerfully as she dragged Sasuke into the room by his shirt collar, Sasuke was scowling with his arms and legs crossed. _Gah! Now my minion and I will never kill my butt-face-weasel of a brother!. _

Caity threw him roughly near his seat and bounced back to the front of the classroom.

"See guys! Everthings fine, you were worrying for nothing!" She said in her very well practiced 'duh' voice. Terese and Tash looked around the classroom, Gaara was suspended from the ceiling, Sakura and Ino were still hugging, Shino's tea party was in full swing, Naruto was in the corner of the classroom, standing on his head attempting to drink a glass of water, Sasuke was in his seat sulking and covered in dirt, Kiba was fanning a knocked out Kankuro, Temari was rocking backwards and forwards hugging her knees, Neji was nearly unidentifiable underneath all the white stuff on his face, Tenten was snickering beside him her face beet red, Lee was running laps of the classroom yelling about the 'fire of youth' etc etc, Hinata just kept staring blankly ahead, unblinking, Shikamaru was looking around with a WTH look, Chouji was munching on chips, unaffected and the entire room had burn marks everywhere. They rolled their eyes, yeah everything was peachy alright!

"Oh Sasuke where are you!" Sakura cried dramatically.

"I'm right here?"

"Oh your Sasuke?"

"Yes!"

"Oh...um.....Yay! Sasuke's back!"

"Sasuke's back?? Where?!!?" Ino cried looking all around her.

"He's right there!" Sakura said pointing to the sulking, raven-haired boy.

"That's Sasuke?"

"Yeah I know.."

"Oh well! YAY SASUKE'S ALIVE!!" Ino cried as she and Sakura jumped for joy, the token emo-I mean their one true love wasn't eaten by a vicious giant armadillo as they had previously thought.

"Ok well you survived your first hour, lets see how you go under Tash's strict rule!! Tata!!" Caity called as she dragged Nae and Terese out of the room, slamming the door causing the rope holding Gaara up to break. He fell to the floor, threw the ropes off and returned to his seat quite pleased with himself, he had come to the conclusion that zebras were black with white stripes!! Tash strode to the front of the room, hands on her hips, she glared at each one in turn, the evil glint her eyes even eviler than the red-headed demon spawn's aka Nae's. They gulped, suddenly they wished the insane demon would come back and save them..

**Well that's my second chapter...I am making our personalities a little bit more extreme, In real life Nae loves fire and does actually have a little voice in her head or so she claims. She is not actually this insane in reality, although she does always sleep in maths hence her falling asleep half way through the chapter. Hope you liked it and as always review!! Pleaseles!!! ^^**


	3. Chapter 3

**Caity: Hello and welcome to my next chapter!!!**

**Tash: Took you long enough....I want vengeance!!**

**Caity: Vengeance on who?**

**Tash: That biatch Sakura!! Sasuke is mine I tells ya! Mine!! Muwahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Nae: Okay...Here you go..._ Shoves random little red pill into Tash's mouth_**

**Tash: O.O**

**Caity: Will she be okay?**

**Nae: Yepperoonis!! See it's only....elephant tranquiliser!! What in the custard pie!! I asked for Iocane!!! Niou!!! My plan has been foiled...foiled....**

**Terese: ...**

**Caity: Can't argue with that Terese! Reader, read on if you dare. Are you brave enough to face the dangers that may be lurking at the turn of every page. Can you handle the traumatising experience that may reveal itself to you.... This story is not for people who have breathing difficulty, cannot spell mississippi or pregnant women. Please enjoy!! ^^**

**Terese:.......**

**Tash: O.O**

**Nae:....foiled...foiled.....foiled....foiled.....foiled.....**

**

* * *

**

Ahem, anyways where was I? Oh yes, our favourite people were sitting in a classroom, facing a three-headed dragon...no wait, that's just Tash...

"Listen up you weaklings!!! Everyone except you Sasuke!! I love you!!...ahem! I want you all, again excluding Sasuke, to.....do my laundry.."

"......."

"Well what are you waiting for! Get to it!" Tash ordered as she walked over to Sasuke and just stood there staring at him. Out of the blue Caity fell from the ceiling and landed on her head.

"Nae! You didn't have to push me outta the air vent!!" She screeched, standing up and rubbing her sore head. Extremely audible snickering could be heard from above.

"Stop that! It's not funny! I could've been seriously injured!!!"

The snickering grew louder. Caity rolled her eyes and walked past the-still-staring-at-Sasuke-Tash. Pulling two objects out of her pocket she put them in Sasuke's hand.

"You might need those! See you all in an hour!!" Caity said and after ruffling Sasuke's hair and laughing to herself, she disapeared. Sasuke looked down at his 'presents', pepper spray and a.......rape whistle!?! Sasuke choked on his own spit and fell of his chair, Tash just sighed dreamily as she leaned on his desk.

"Well I say we need to get out of here!" Naruto whisper-yelled.

"I agree! I'm nearly out of chips.." Choji trailed off as he looked at Shikamaru who was asleep and covered in chip packets so that you could only see his spiky ponytail.

"Well I vote that we put the ramen in charge of the operation!" Naruto declared as he pointed to the awesomeness bowl of ramen in front of him, Sakura sweatdropped.

"Naruto... How did you get that?"

"Tsk, tsk Sakura, Sakura, Sakura...." Naruto said as he shook his head slowly "A good paperboy never reveals his secrets..."

"......"

"We'll need a diversion..." Shikamaru's muffled voice came from beneath the chip packets.

"Right you are! Kankuro! We need a diversion...."

"No, I refuse! You're going to leave me here and escape!"

"No we're....ok we are, but you'll be a hero!! You'll be better than Gaara ever was!"

"Can we not talk about me in past tense, I am still alive you know.." Gaara said, clearly irrated or so the grinding of his teeth led them to believe.

"You mean I'll be better than Gaara? Like everyone will like me more than him? As in-"

"Yes! Now here's what I want you to do...pssst pssst psssst" Naruto said, translating the ramen bowls orders, it was the leader of the operation afterall.

**3 minutes later**

"Ummm guys, I don't know about this...." Kankuro said uncertaintly as he tugged the wig over his hair.

"Don't worry you look great, now go get em' tiger!" Temari encouraged as he shoved Kankuro forwards, she was getting out of this place damnit and if she had to lose a brother to do so then it was fine by her. Kankuro sauntered over to Tash and threw an arm around her shoulders.

"Hey babe" He whispered in her ear. Tash spun around and immediately tackle hugged him down to the ground.

"SASUUUUUUUUKKKKKKEEEE!!!!!" She squealed happily "I always knew that you would come for me!!"

"Ackkk" Was all Kankuro could manage to squeeze out of his throat due to his limited air supply. Yes, the ramen was a genius, what better way to distract a fangirl than with the object of her obsession. Now the real question was where they managed to find a Sasuke costume....

**In the air vents**

"Yes! We're free! And I got rid of one brother! Miracles do happen!" Temari screamed joyously.

"We're not out of this yet...the ramen says that they've posted guards at all the exits, skilled ninja's in training....guys I don't think that we'll be able to beat them...they look pretty tough..." Naruto trailed off as he pointed through the grating at two men wearing pink dresses that were comparing which shade of purple nail-polish was 'to die for'.

"No I definitely think that Plum Perfection is the best!"

"Like, no way girlfriend! Violet Haze is like, totally the newest fad...."

"Oh puh-lease! Plum Perfection could whip Violet haze's ass any day, any time..."

"What was that bitch!" The second man screamed as he lunged at the first, making them both tumble down the stairs and effectively knocking themselves out. Suddenly Itachi appeared...

"That's what happens to people who don't respect that Lilac Stars is the best!!" He snarled before he poofed himself away back to the Akatsuki base, it was Thursday afterall and it was his turn to serve the tea and cucumber sandwiches.

"See! I knew that ramen would make a good leader, but you all doubted him!! He could even use a summoning jutsu to summon Itachi!! Now if that isn't cool then I don't know what is.." Naruto said as he poked the seething younger Uchiha in the shoulder just to piss him off, it was fuuuuun.

"Na-ru-to....If you value your life and your ability to make babies, then quit it..." Sasuke growled, he had let his chance to avenge his clan slip through his fingers, some minion Robert was... He was never around when you needed him!! Bloody, unreliable, pits...

Naruto, being as clever as he was, had just decided that the Uchiha was angry and he was threatening him. Worst of all.... he was serious!! He left the Uchiha to mope at the back of the pack with his fangirls coughSAKURA AND INOcough, and made his way out of the air vent and towards the now unguarded door. The group held their breaths and flung the door open to reveal..... ANOTHER HALLWAY!! They all fell down anime style with little veins of irratation, why would they put guards there if it wasn't an exit!! Shikamaru groaned in frustration: He hadn't added this into his calculations.

"Okay, well the ramen says that we should gooooo....ummmm...." Naruto trailed off as he pulled a used pair of chopsticks out of his pocket and threw them in the air, they both landed pointing right.

"The ramen says that we should go right! Dattebayo!" Naruto chirped as he pocketed his chopsticks once more, he would need them when the ramen was done being the leader..... heh heh.

The others were not in the mood to argue so they just sighed and followed Naruto. They knew that eventually they would regret trusting his judgement but until then they may as well see where it would take them.

**Four hours later**

"How long is this hallway!!" Chouji whined, he was pretty near to passing out as he hadn't eaten a chip in 6.9 seconds. This was killing him slowly and painfully, from the inside out.

"Ok Ino, reason we love Sasuke number 667788: He's HOT HOT HOT!!!" Sakura cheered.

"Yeah, ok reason number 667789: He's smoking HAWT!!!"

"Good one, reason number 667790: He's sooooooooooooooooo hot!!!!"

"ah huh, that is seconded sister, reason number 667791: His name is HOT!!!"

"Oh! I didn't even think of that one, reason number 667792: He has hot eyes..."

"Yay-yuh! Reason number 667793-"

"SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE BEEN AT IT NON-STOP FOR THE LAST 3 MINUTES!!! A SANE PERSON CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH!!!" Tenten screeched, as she pulled on her famous 'panda ears' in frustration, she took a deep breath and said as calmly as she could.

"Besides if you want hot, look at Neji! Now he's fine!"

"Gasp! She is so right! Eeeeeeeeeeep!!!" Ino squealed, fainting dramatically as Sakura caught her. Neji looked like a cornered animal, his eyes bulging out of his head and a crouched I'm-ready-to-run-at-given-moment position. Tenten smirked, revenge was sweet. That'd teach him to diss the buns! They were awesome! And practical! Some ninja's coughNARUTOcough, wore the most innapropriate clothing or had the most innapropriate hair coughINOcough. Sheesh and he was dissing the 'panda ears' like he's all that! Oh no he didn't! Tenten snapped out of her random thoughts just in time to see Ino glomp Neji, making them both lose balance and fall to the ground. She stifled her laughter and walked around them just as Sakura jumped onto him to.

"Hey where's Neji-san! Without his burning fire of youth we will never make it out of this unyouthful prison youthfully alive.....so we will not!!" Lee cried dramatically as he bent down on one knee and reached for the ceiling with other hand over his heart. Tenten let out a huge gaffaw of laughter to try to cover Neji's strangled sounds from around the corner... yeah, she failed...

"ACCCCKK!!!"

"Oh my golly gosh! What in the youthy youthfulness was that!?! I youthfully take it upon my youthful self to investigate this unyouthful disturbance. Tenten-youthful-flower-san!! If I do not come back alive, take my body back to the ever youthful Gai-Sensei!! And I don't want any tears!! That is the biggest display of unyouthfullness under the starry sky!! Oh Youth!!! I'm coming for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!" Lee said, before he dashed around the corner.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" A girly scream was heard as Lee came sprinting back around the corner. Breathing heavily with his hands on his knees, he waited a while before speaking.

"Nothing in all my youthful thirteen years could have prepared me for such a youthful display of affection, no wonder Sakura doesn't notice me!! I have not been original and youthful enough in my love declarations!! How could my youthful eyes have been so unyouthfully blind!! HOOOOWW!!!!" Lee's eyes lit up with a fire of determination. "I shall beat Neji!! He is now my youthful and ever eternal rival!! So says me, to ye Tenten-youthful-flower-san!!"

"Yeah Lee, let's just go, before the others get to far away from us...." Tenten said as she took off after the group, she didn't want to be alone when Neji finally got free from the fangirl clutches of doom!! Lee followed after her yelling something about how not walking with a lady was a unyouthfull display of disrespect in the most degrading of terms or something like that anyway.

**Around the corner**

"FINALLY! I AM FREE!!!" Neji cried as he speed-skipped around the corner and towards the group. I think that some of his brain cells had died from affection-overload....how sad....

Ino and Sakura followed behind him, hands clasped over their hearts and love hearts in their eyes. Seeing this Neji quickened up so that he was speed-speed-skipping, finally catching up with the group he decided to sing so that he could share his happiness with the world!!

"IF YOU THINK THAT NEJI HYUUGA'S REALLY GREAT, CLAP YOUR HANDS!! IF YOU THINK THAT NEJI HYUUGA'S REALLY GREAT, CLAP YOU HANDS!! NEJI'S REALLY GREAT AND YOU KNOW IT!! NOW YOU REALLY WANNA SHOW IT!! IF YOU THINK NEJI HYUUGA'S GREAT CLAP YOUR HANDS!!!"

It's safe to say that only four people clapped their hands, Neji of course, duh, Lee!!, Ino and Sakura. Neji seemed pleased with this result because he then began to hand out easter eggs to everyone, wearing a pair of fluffy yellow bunny ears. Needless to say Tenten had had enough! It was no fun picking on someone like this! She wanted the old Neji back... wow she never thought that she would hear herself think that... Anyway, she picked up a discarded and dusty frisbee, probably left form the days when the school had been full of kids, and threw it with all her might at Neji's head. He blinked and rubbed his sore head.

Wait, why was his head fuffy?? He pulled off the horrifying bunny ears that were illegal in every country except Mexico and threw them on the ground. Almost immediately Sakura and Ino began fighting over who got to keep them. Neji didn't even seem to notice he was too busy wondering why he couldn't remember the last five minutes. Tenten smirked once more as she pocketed her video camera, revenge was sweet but blackmail was even sweeter...muahahahhaa!! Gaara, sick of having no lines in this fanfic decided to take action.

"Everyone! Meet Dianna!! Say hi to everyone Dianna-chan," Gaara smiled as he pulled out a small green venus fly trap from his pocket.

"......."

"Good girl Dianna-chan!"

Everybody stared at Gaara for about four minutes before shrugging, afterall stranger things have happened today. They were just about to continue on their epic quest to find an exit when they were stopped by three scary figures blocking the hallway.

"And just where do you think that your go-"

"AHHHH! IT'S THE PSYCO RED-HEADED DEMON EVERYONE RUN!!!!" Naruto screamed as he dashed back into the classroom shielding the ramen from further harm. The others followed without hesitation, hey! You can't blame them they were still in 'follow the ramen til' the ends of the Earth' mode. The three scary figures, Caity, Nae and Terese, followed them in, that was literally easier than they thought that it would be.

"OMG SASUKEEEEE!! YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM MEE!!!!"

"ARGH!! STAY BACK!! I'M NOT SASUKE DAMNIT!! AGHH!!"

Caity sweatdropped at the sight before her - Tash was clinging to Kankuro dressed in Sasuke's clothes, a discarded Sasuke-chicken-ass wig on the floor next to them.

"HELP ME!!!" Kankuro wailed as he flailed his arms pathetically, in his last ditch attempt to get away from Tash. Nae smirked as she pulled out her anti-Tash weapon, last weeks maths homework, and waved in Tash's face. Tash hissed as she dropped Kankuro and eyed the piece of paper suspiciously. Nae used it to herd her out of the room, dragging a poor confused Terese with her.

"Okay, ladies, gentlemen and Kankuro!!-"

"Hey! I resent that!" Kankuro huffed as he magically poofed back into his black outfit, being in the white pants and blue t-shirt was like the equivalent of slow torture...

"Yeah yeah whatever! Anyways! Say hello to your new history teacher!!" Caity cried as she threw her arms up into the air for emphasis. The class looked around expectantly, where was their history teacher...unless....oh great....

"Yes that's right! I am your history teacher! Great, huh?" Caity said as she gave them a thumbs up. Everyone groaned and banged their heads on the desk except for Naruto who was too busy eating their 'leader' to know what was going on.

**Caity: Phew another chapter finished, I'm not gonna lie it took me forever to get motivated for this but now I can cross it off my to-write list! Sweet! Sorry if it's really bad, I had major writers block.. ehehe**

**Nae: Whoo review people! We feel unloved! Come on!! Click on the button!! It beckons to you and you know it does!!**

**Neji: Click the button....it is your destiny....**


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